Chinese culture essentials: etiquette, names, meals, festivals, numbers

你好 and 您好. 你好 (nǐ hǎo) is the standard greeting. 您好 (nín hǎo) is the polite version, for elders, superiors and customers. Among friends, people often just use the first name, or 嗨 (hāi, "hi").

"Have you eaten?" Among neighbours or acquaintances, especially older people, you still hear 吃了吗? (Chī le ma?): "Have you eaten?". It's not an invitation: it's a greeting, like "How's it going?". Just answer 吃了 or 还没呢.

Titles first. In China, people are commonly addressed by surname + title or job: 王老师 (Teacher Wang), 李医生 (Doctor Li), 张经理 (Manager Zhang). This is more respectful than a first name alone.

Strangers as family. Strangers are often addressed with family terms: 叔叔 (shūshu, "uncle") and 阿姨 (āyí, "auntie") for older adults, 大爷 / 奶奶 for elderly people, 哥 / 姐 for someone slightly older than you. In a restaurant, call staff with 服务员 (fúwùyuán) or simply 你好.

Handshakes are the norm in professional settings. No cheek kisses, and avoid physical contact with people you don't know well.

The surname comes first. In 王小明 (Wáng Xiǎomíng), 王 is the surname and 小明 the given name. That's the reverse of English order. Many Chinese people working internationally flip their name or adopt a Western first name to keep things simple.

Few surnames, widely shared. A handful dominate: 王 Wáng, 李 Lǐ, 张 Zhāng, 刘 Liú, 陈 Chén each belong to tens of millions of people. Surnames are almost all a single character (a few have two, like 欧阳 Ōuyáng or 司马 Sīmǎ).

Given names chosen for meaning. There's no fixed list of first names: parents compose the name (one or two characters) for its meaning and sound. 明 (bright), 华 (splendid, China), 伟 (great), 丽 (beautiful), 静 (calm), 杰 (outstanding)… A given name often expresses the parents' wishes.

Women keep their surname after marriage. Children usually take the father's surname.

Asking someone's name politely:

• 您贵姓? (Nín guìxìng?): "What is your honourable surname?" (very polite)

• 你叫什么名字? (Nǐ jiào shénme míngzi?): "What's your name?"

Your Chinese name. Many learners receive or choose a Chinese name, often inspired by the sounds of their own. Ask a native speaker for advice: a good Chinese name has a positive meaning and sounds natural.

Meals are at the heart of Chinese social life. A few rules to feel at ease:

Dishes are shared. Several dishes are ordered for the whole table and everyone helps themselves as they go, often from a lazy Susan. You don't order "your own" dish as in the West. Everyone usually has their own bowl of rice or soup.

Chopsticks:

• ✗ Never stick your chopsticks upright in rice: it's reminiscent of funeral incense.

• ✗ Don't tap your bowl with them or point them at people.

• ✓ Rest them on the chopstick rest or across your bowl.

The host treats. When you're invited, the host orders and pays. Among friends you'll often see "battles" over the bill: a sign of generosity. Splitting the bill (AA制, AA zhì) is spreading among young people.

Toasting. People often toast with 干杯! (gānbēi, "bottoms up!"). As a sign of respect, hold your glass slightly lower than that of someone older or more senior. Business dinners can involve many toasts.

Serving others. It's polite to pour tea or put a choice morsel in a guest's bowl. When someone pours you tea, you can tap the table with two fingers to say thanks.

Clear your plate or not? Leaving some food in the shared dishes shows the host was generous. However, campaigns against food waste have made finishing everything increasingly appreciated.

Face (面子 miànzi). "Face" means a person's dignity and social standing. You avoid making someone "lose face" in public: no direct criticism in front of others, no blunt refusals. Indirect phrases are preferred: 我考虑一下 ("I'll think about it") may mean no.

Modesty. When you're paid a compliment, the traditional answer isn't "thank you" but a show of modesty:

• 你的汉语说得真好! 哪里哪里 (nǎli nǎli, "oh, not at all") or 还差得远呢 ("I still have a long way to go").
Today a simple 谢谢 is also very common, especially among young people.

Relationships (关系 guānxi). Personal networks matter a lot, including at work. People take time to get to know each other and share a meal before talking business.

Gifts:

• Give and receive gifts with both hands, as a sign of respect (the same goes for business cards).

• The recipient may politely decline once or twice before accepting.

• Gifts are traditionally not opened in front of the giver (a habit that's changing).

• Avoid: a clock (送钟 sòng zhōng sounds like 送终, "attending a dying person"), pears (梨 lí ≈ 离, "to part"), sharp objects, umbrellas (伞 sǎn ≈ 散, "to break up"), and white or black wrapping (mourning colours).

• Red and gold are colours of celebration and luck.

Traditional festivals follow the lunar calendar, so their Gregorian date changes every year.

春节 Chūnjié: Spring Festival (Chinese New Year). Between late January and mid-February. The most important festival of the year: hundreds of millions of people travel home (the world's largest annual human migration, 春运). Families share the New Year's Eve dinner (年夜饭), eat dumplings (饺子) in the north, paste red couplets (春联) on doors, and give children red envelopes (红包) with money: nowadays via WeChat too. People wish each other 新年快乐! or 过年好!

元宵节 Yuánxiāojié, Lantern Festival. On the 15th day of the 1st lunar month, it closes the New Year period: lanterns, riddles, sweet glutinous rice balls (汤圆 / 元宵).

清明节 Qīngmíngjié: Tomb-Sweeping Day. Early April. Ancestors are honoured by sweeping their graves; it's also a time for spring outings.

端午节 Duānwǔjié: Dragon Boat Festival. The 5th day of the 5th lunar month (usually June). Dragon-boat races and 粽子 (zòngzi, sticky rice wrapped in bamboo leaves), in memory of the poet Qu Yuan.

中秋节 Zhōngqiūjié: Mid-Autumn Festival. The 15th day of the 8th lunar month (September or early October), at the full moon. A festival of family reunion: people admire the moon and eat mooncakes (月饼).

国庆节 Guóqìngjié: National Day, 1 October, followed by a week of holidays ("Golden Week").

In Chinese, many words sound alike, so numbers have taken on connotations from words they're homophones (or near-homophones) of.

• 8 (八 bā): the luckiest number, because it recalls 发 (fā, in 发财 "to get rich"). Phone numbers and licence plates full of 8s sell for a fortune. The Beijing Olympics opened on 8/8/2008 at 8:08 pm!

• 6 (六 liù): evokes 流 (liú, "to flow") → things go smoothly. 666 is also online praise: "awesome!".

• 9 (九 jiǔ): sounds like 久 (jiǔ, "long-lasting") → longevity, enduring love. Popular for weddings.

• 4 (四 sì): sounds like 死 (sǐ, "death"). The number to avoid: some buildings have no 4th floor (or 14th, 24th…), like "13" in the West.

• 2 (二 / 两): generally positive ("good things come in pairs"), except 二 used alone about a person, which is slang for "silly".

Numbers online: Chinese internet users use numbers as shorthand: 520 (wǔ èr líng ≈ 我爱你, "I love you"), 88 (bā bā ≈ "bye bye"), 666 ("awesome"). 20 May (5/20) has become a kind of Valentine's Day!

Counting on your fingers: Chinese people have one-handed gestures for every number from 1 to 10. For example, 6 is thumb and little finger out, 8 is thumb and index finger in an "L". Very handy at the market!

Traditional culture coexists with an ultra-connected society. A few useful realities:

• Mobile payment rules. People pay for almost everything with 微信 (WeChat) or 支付宝 (Alipay) by scanning a QR code: even at the market. Cash is still accepted but increasingly rare.

• 微信 (WeChat) is much more than a messaging app: it's how people swap contacts (you "scan" each other: 我扫你吧), pay, book and work. People ask "Do you have WeChat?" (你有微信吗?) more often than for a phone number.

• Voice messages are hugely popular: get ready to listen to lots of spoken Chinese!

• Hot water. Many Chinese people drink hot water (热水) rather than cold, and it's the universal advice for a cold: 多喝热水!

• Dialects. 普通话 (pǔtōnghuà, Standard Mandarin) is understood everywhere, but you'll hear Cantonese, Shanghainese, Sichuanese… often mutually unintelligible. What you learn with Hanlu is Standard Mandarin, the common language of the whole country.

• Diversity. China officially has 56 ethnic groups. The Han (汉族) are the majority; the other 55 (Zhuang, Hui, Uyghur, Tibetan, Mongol…) have their own languages and traditions. Food varies enormously too: spicy in Sichuan, sweet in Shanghai, wheat-based in the north and rice-based in the south.

The best attitude: curiosity and humility. Chinese people are generally delighted when a foreigner makes the effort to learn their language, and readily forgive cultural slip-ups.